Working in retail, rather famously, sucks. I learnt this the hard way over two years of Saturdays spent squashing rich bunioned feet into vile gold shoes at Russell & Bromley. On the other hand, one clear side-effect of serving rich tossers is that some of them are also likely to be famous, and those are the days when even the most glancing physical contact with Fame almost seems, for a moment, to make up for the derisory pay. Your pub chat rules, and, for a while there, you're Worth Something.
So 'citizen journalism' might turn out be little more than a euphemism for shop assistants' revenge, but, whatevs. Here are some little gems from a designer store about celebrity manners, specifically those of a certain sitcom actor...
'Oh yeah well obviously we have a sliding scale of rudeness, everyone does,' begins the shop assistant, by way of intro. Apparently the benchmark for utter douchness has historically been set by Kevin Costner, who demands Godlike treatment and acts like someone who - oooh I don't know - has had a hit film in the last ten years.
Until now. Matthew Horne, who plays half of the title roles in Gavin and Stacy (which is actually kind of alright and funny) is now frontrunner. 'Don't talk to me about THAT MAN' the shop assistant hisses, and lets fly with a rant of archaic, pre-Bolshevik proportions.
So it turns out that ole Wonkface has the habit of wandering into the store, hollering 'Does anyone actually work here?', insulting the male staff, letching on the female and treating every designer garment presented to him like something peeled from the bargain bin in Matalan.
Shop assistant judgment is harsh, but mecurial. Like their feudal retainer forebears, they know there's room in the world for this kind of behaviour, just not from Lord & Lady Muck. 'I wouldn't mind if he was really famous you know, but BBC3?'
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